George W Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate." She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and goodbye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves.
Helms immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem. "Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair."
Another classic image doing the rounds. Amusing, but what exactly is Poofter Drink, Lite Beer? or something more sinister, like an Alcopop? I'll never know......An enraged commuter climbed onto the outside of a morning peak-hour train and hung on as it reached speeds of up to 60mph - because there was not enough room inside the carriage.
The man held on to the back of the train for 20 minutes, while it went through two tunnels and four stations, in a move reminiscent of film action hero Indiana Jones.
His frustration at the appalling state of the railways had finally boiled over when he arrived at his station to find the platforms jampacked and services delayed yet again.
Ignoring his own safety, the commuter - in an act that was today condemned as "stupid and reckless" - clambered onto the rear of the train and stood on a foot plate. He then held on to grab handles for seven miles.
Rail chiefs launched an immediate investigation into the incident, and threatened to prosecute the commuter for trespass and vandalism if he was caught.
The commuter had arrived at Oakleigh Park station to board a local train bound for Moorgate. Finding the main carriages full, he first tried to squeeze into the guard's van and unused driver's cab at the rear of the train before jumping on to the back of the train.
Summarized by Copernic Summarizer
